Darren B.’s Neighborhood

So, I've been using my Typepad account instead of VOX, and whenever I come back over this way I have shit loads of spam comments to delete. Surely, VOX, if you delete a spam account, it should automatically delete all of the spam comments they've left as well?

This Changes Everything

I have been reflecting on the Willow Grouplife conference from October 24^th that was broadcast widely across North America. The Small Groups Network helped sponsor and host a site. Throughout the one day event there were some great insights and presentations from the speakers. Here are my best take-away’s from this years event.

Dave Anderson (Church of the Open Door) and Heather Zempel (National Community Church) spoke convincingly on why we need to be authentic and embrace the fact that life is messy. To me – they were the strongest voices at the event. With Dave you felt that there is no real purpose for meeting together as Christians in small groups if you are not going to be real and authentic. For real change to occur 3 components are needed: authenticity, courage and grace. That second component of courage is rarely spoken of, yet if not for leaders or an individual member who takes the risk, becomes courageous and shares their brokenness with others – how will we see authenticity spread and grace bestowed?

This was the first time I have heard Heather Zempel at length. What a dynamo! She is very earthy – most everyone could identify with her. She began her talk illustrating from her earlier life in research – she went to pig farm to do some research and pig pooh became a humourous link through the rest of the day – very funny! Her point was made though – You can’t stop the stink from pigs. Ie – People are sinful – they can’t help but create mess in their lives – so let’s admit it with others in our group! She went on to say that God will write His story in the mess, and that mess can be the bi-product of growth. I resonated with this theme, because it’s so true. When is it when most people (Christians or not) are most open to God’s voice? Not when things are going good, but when there is pain and life is a mess! She went on to give very helpful suggestions on how we can deal with messes that become evident in our group.

Mindy Caliguire spoke on leading from a healthy soul. This is an area that I believe churches need to pay more attention to. She spoke on how leaders can experience burnout, lack of fruitfulness and spiritual vitality. Leaders need to be leading from the overflow that comes out of their relationship with God, when leaders don’t – they can find themselves experiencing what Mindy calls – a collapse of the soul. She illustrated this well with a flow chart diagram charting the well being of the soul vs. the speed of life. When the pace of life overtakes our soul life, we can easily become disconnected to God and the life He breathes into us. She challenged us to slow the pace of life to a level that connect with God – living a life at “Godspeed”. Mindy has authored a number of books that can help leaders discern new ways to re-connect with God. Discovering Soul Care, Simplicity, Spiritual Friendship, Soul Searching.

Throughout the day – the theme of understanding that our flawed lives can be the new perfect way (God’s provision of grace) to grow ourselves and others in Christ was my biggest takeway! 

You may watch some of the post-event questions that were asked of the presenters at youtube.com/willowgrouplife

So.

I checked my e-mail for school a few minutes ago because my Ecology Instructor called me and asked me to respond to her e-mail asap.

As we didn't give her our phone numbers, she had to call the school to get it...(I'm suprized they gave it to her, actually)

But, I checked it and now am extremely frustrated. We had the choice to go solo on this group project and I chose to go solo because my class is nothing but cocky PSEO students and lazy students. Grrrr.

But this is what her e-mail said:

Of course, I'm going to agree to this. Of course this guy is going to take advantage of me and try to ride on my magic carpet of intelligence..lol. This does not make me happy. Any suggestions on how to make this as painful as possible?

Dammit.

Most of you know I'm currently working on my college education. Some of you know that I'm a science major. A few of you know that I love to read and write. My mom doesn't understand why that isn't my major. The biggest reason why it isn't? It's easy. It's easy to read a great book. It's easy for me to write an A paper. (I wrote a 3 page paper a half-hour before it was due and recieved an A). While there are some aspects of college writing that I struggle with..ie.  STRUCTURE is a MoFo for me..I can still do it fairly well. It's not..well...it's not HARD. Science is HARD. I have to really buckle down and study for science. Part of why I love it so is because it doesn't come easy...I have to work for it..but I thoroughly enjoy it. More specifically, cellular or microbiology. *And it only has a little bit to do with my first microbiology class and the instructor..yes..he was my PBF and I won't deny it any longer. YUM*

So, in order to fulfill college requirements, I have to take Comp II. Not a problem. Comp I was a breeze, my environmental literature, and ethics classes were full of papers..so I've got this in the bag..right? WRONG!

The instructor wants 5 paragraph ESSAYS. I'm used to writing 5 page papers, which of course include intro, body, and conclusion paragraphs..but I can WRITE. I'm flamboozled by this. He also told us we could make stuff up, we didn't have to cite sources, but to make sure it was believable. What is this??

So we've had 3 "essays" so far. I'm used to getting A's on my papers, with the occasional B. The three essays I've handed in? The first one was a low B..almost a C..the second paper..C..and the 3rd I haven't recieved back yet. But, while in conference with the instructor...which I've done twice..the first time he told me I had a bad attitude because I told him I felt he was teaching things we learned in 9th grade English class. The second conference we had about my second paper..which I forwarded to my Comp I instructor who LOVED my paper...and my current instructor recommended I get a writing tutor.

What. The. Fuck.

Bitch, I write for the College Newspaper which you have to submit work and then be accepted to join) I have 2 recurring COLUMNS in the newspaper. I've won writing contests (in high school, but still).

Then I take a deep breath, calm down, run home and grab my file with every paper I've ever written in college and head to the ACE tutor lab to speak with the writing tutors. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm not as good as I believe I am.

I share my story with the writing department in the lab. I show him my "portfolio". We talk about writing, structure, rules, voice, expression, etc. We talked for over an hour. By the time I left, I left with a JOB as a FUCKING WRITING TUTOR. Not a work study position, but I was HIRED by the COLLEGE. You're reading the blog of the ACE lab's newest Intro the Writing, Intro to Reading, and Comp I tutor. Making over ten bucks an hour. To tutor.

Oh, and in conclusion...I totally win. And YOU lose.

And BTW - I have special permission to test the fuck outta your class.

Yes, my oldest son has H1N1. We found out 2 days after he said he wanted to get the vaccine. What started out as a viral lung infection became the dreaded H1N1. Chase had RSV when he was a baby and has had several bouts with brochitis in his short life. We were so worried that it would become fatal. Like any other mother, once I found out he had it..the news coverage information just wasn't enough, so I googled and WebMD'd that shit until my fingers grew numb. I found out some good news, ie. the fatality rate of H1N1 is only .02%, whereas the regular flu has a fatality rate of .1%. Even though more people have died of it this year than the regular flu - it's because the infection rate it higher. But I'll leave the statistics alone for now. What I knew for sure - we had to keep Chase out of the hospital..because that's almost like a death sentence for H1N1.

Like the flu, there's really not a lot the doctor can do for the H1N1. You basically have to let it run it's course. The doctor said if Chase started having trouble breathing to bring him to the ER..which I was positive would wind up happening because of his health history and his lungs were already compromised.

At then it happened...

I come upstairs after doing laundry to find him alseep on the couch. I'm glad he's resting. I walk over to him to feel his forehead to make sure his fever is still down...and his lips are blue. I check his fingers and the tips are blue. Inside, I'm screaming no. No. NO!. He is breathing, I check. But he's not getting enough oxygen...his levels are low...this is it..we've got to go. I calmly wrap him in his blanket, heft him up into my arms, grab my keys, walk to the car while calling 911 to let them know we are on the way. He doesn't feel as heavy as he did yesterday..is he leaving me already? I've been scared before, in fact, I've been terrified. But nothing I've ever experienced comes close to what this feels like. I can't breathe...I can't breathe.

Chase moans and says his stomach hurts. I tell him, I know baby, we're on the way to the doctor, he'll make you feel better. But I wonder, am I lying to him? Am I making a promise that will be broken through no fault of my own?

I think I know why my stomach hurts, Mom. He whispers. Oh God, I think..does he know? Does he know what this means? He's always been smart, abnormally so sometimes. Why do you think your stomach hurts? I ask him.

**

**

Because I ate all that blue sugar.

**

**

My heart, brain, and stomach stutter. What?!

You did what? What did you eat?

I ate the blue sugar candy from the candy bowl.

I grab his hand, look more closely at his blue oxygen-deprived fingertips..and sure enough...it's that blue colored sugar.

I burst into a combination of tears and laughter, redailing 911 to tell them the situation is not nearly as deadly as I originally believed..and that Chase is certainly feeling better since he was able to eat and keep down candy.

But in a couple years, the situation will be deadly. Because I will be kicking his ass repeatedly for this.

Oct. 18

• A man, his wife and two children were out for a walk when a great dane-cross dragging a chain ran toward them, barking and growling. The man placed himself between the dog and the stroller that contained his 1-year-old child, and the dog bit him through his jeans, breaking the skin and causing contusions. A woman came out and tried to pull the dog away, but had a hard time controlling the dog. The man was taken to the hospital for treatment, and the dog was quarantined and classified under ordinance as a “potentially dangerous dog.”

• A man reported an odd occurrence from the previous night. He said he was out on Wadena County Road 30 when he saw a bright blue light in the sky. The man said it was approximately 30-40 yards up, and the light completely surrounded his pickup. The man said he didn’t believe it was a UFO, but wanted to report it just in case.

A rapid great dane and an odd blue light. The world is coming to an end.

Again, these were taken from the Police Scanner article in the local paper.

Our former pastor, a wise and gifted teacher, spoke last Sunday about some hard things.  I've been mulling his words for 6 days.

So many times I hear excuses from people about their behavior, and they usually revolve around the desire to be happy.  The marriage didn't make them happy, so they left.  The job didn't make them happy, so they quit.  The church didn't make them happy, so they tried to find another one.

The problem is, especially with those who say they want Christ to be the center of their lives, is that happiness doesn't mean what they think it does.  Happiness is a feeling, nothing more, nothing less, and it's such a variable one that its comings and goings can hardly be tracked or predicted.  I'm learning something about that feeling, and I'm starting to realize it has nothing to do with lasting, deep-seated joy or contentment.  Happiness has everything to do with situations, and nothing to do with true security.

And, to be honest, I don't really think God cares if I'm happy in the moment or not.

Perhaps that sounds sacrilegious. But I don't find a whole lot of Biblical promises about "happiness".  I've read about joy.  And contentment.  And peace.  But nothing about warm and fuzzy feelings that fade as soon as someone cuts me off in traffic or the skies cloud up or the dog pees on the floor.

I'm starting to think that what my God requires of me is obedience to His Word, and if I get all warm and fuzzy over that, well, that's fine, but I don't believe that's the reason I'm supposed to be obedient.  I can help my neighbor with a glad heart or a bitter one, the choice is mine.  However, if I truly want to follow Christ, I don't have a choice about helping in the first place.  That's the obedience that a Father requires of His children.  Don't want to put money in the offering plate?  Do it anyway.  Don't want to volunteer at the homeless shelter?  Do it anyway.  Don't want to bite my tongue when someone treats me like crap?  Do it anyway.  Don't want to honor my husband or sacrifice for my children?  Yes, do it anyway.

It's the obedience that's important, not my attitude about it.  I can choose to find joy in submitting myself to the greater will of a God to whom I've committed my soul.  I can choose to revel in the idea that the Creator of the universe cares enough about my little peon of a life to want me to be the best person I can be to change my little corner of the world.  I can choose to find peace in obedience.  I can choose to be content where I am, because He has placed me here.

When it comes right down to it, I think God is more concerned with me being holy than in me being happy.  Happiness, as I said, is so fleeting and changeable, so fickle and variable; holiness is eternal.  And I believe those are the things God is concerned with, the eternal things, as He is eternal.  And because He is concerned with my holiness, or woeful lack thereof, then that is where my focus needs to be also.

I'll take joy and peace and contentment over "happy" today.

Next Wednesday marks the 15th anniversary of the day the Swede and I committed to each other til death do us part.  Since the actual date falls mid-week, and the Little's 12th birthday is next Saturday, we decided to go out to dinner tonight.

We aren't big "out-to-dinner" people.  We will sometimes go to the local Mexican place or a pub for a bite and a drink, and we like to take the family out once in awhile, but it's never anything fancy.  Suits for him and nylons and high heels for me just ruin the fun that's supposed to be part of the night out, so we tend to keep things pretty casual.  We tossed around the names of lots of nice restaurants and got recommendations from people who know more than we do, but in the end we chose an old (as in really old, as in the oldest operating inn in the country ... or so the brochure says) tavern, with fireplaces in the dining rooms and real food on the menu, and had probably our best night out in years.

Our waiter, Joe, was perfect.  An older guy with thick accent, he asked if we were celebrating anything this evening, and we told him it was an early anniversary dinner.  After pleasant congratulations, he proceeded to to everything right, being attentive without crossing over into "buddy" territory.  He gave us time to talk, but was on hand to clear and add anything we needed.  Big tip, he earned it.

The food was amazing ... the Swede got prime rib, I got duck, and everything was great.  There were homemade rolls, extremely fresh vegetables, and we splurged on dessert.  As we were finishing up and waiting for the check, Joe came by with one more plate, lit the candle, and wished us a happy anniversary:

Anniversary

Such a sweet gesture.  As I said, big tip ... he earned it.

Spending quiet time alone with the Swede, without the distractions of phones and kids and dogs and chores and LIFE is something that doesn't happen often, and we're ok with that.  We live our lives together, raising our kids, taking care of the blessings we've been afforded, working hard to make it all work.  That's just who we are and what we do.  But every once in awhile, we have to take the time to separate ourselves from all of that, and just be able to concentrate on each other, have an entire conversation without being interrupted, and reconnect.

Tonight was that night.

And, as we usually do as the anniversary date rolls around, we asked each other if we'd still do it, given the chance.  And we both said yes, just like we did 15 years ago.

Even though this happened on my birthday..I swear it wasn't me!!

Sept. 21

• A woman was detained at a local store for allegedly attempting to shoplift several items worth $35.81. Among the items were earrings, a flashlight, migraine pills, batteries and a Trojan fingertip massager.

*Taken from the Police Scanner article in my local paper..